


we've come too far

by aloistrancy



Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, i would die for nam taehyun !!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-12-05 17:53:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11583210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aloistrancy/pseuds/aloistrancy
Summary: Taehyun had tip toed around the issue. He pretended nothing was wrong. Everyone could see through his poorly made mask.





	we've come too far

**Author's Note:**

> when u finally come to terms with some wild yg shit. i love nam taehyun so theres that. buy his new ep

The only way Taehyun could ever describe his life was tiring. Even when he had been in Winner and they weren’t active, it was exhausting. To be someone he so blatantly wasn’t. Of course he didn’t regret what he had gone through, what they had all gone through to try and get a chance at a dream. But that life wasn’t Taehyun. He was not conditioned to act a certain way, he was an energy that just had to go on his own path. And though it hurt he had done it for himself. He’d always been doing his best for others, trying to appeal to the masses in a way that was not authentically him. When he annulled his contract it was like he could finally breathe. Or cry. Taehyun could finally face the issues that dwell within him. Not before he had to leave his family behind. The four men he had grown alongside. How was he supposed to leave them? They’d gone through hell together; defeat and neglect. How many nights had he spent practicing vocals with Jinwoo? Who so warmly praised him, _‘You’re the main vocal for a reason’_ Jinwoo would smile. How many nights had he spent working on the choreo he hated with Seunghoon? Who so patiently waited for Taehyun to get the move. How many nights had he spent being completely comfortable and open with Seungyoon? Who would so eagerly listen to what Taehyun had to say. And Minho. How many nights had he spent leaning on his pillar Minho? Too many to count. Leaving them behind was half the reason he stayed, the other fear.

Fear engulfed him for months. _What if he failed? What if he didn’t get to sing anymore? What if his family looked upon him in disgust?_ Taehyun had struggled most with these thoughts. His deteriorating mental health was pitted against his fear for the future. Was there nothing anyone could do? Taehyun felt so entirely helpless for nearly a year. It wasn’t a shock to him when things became hard. He had always been someone who struggled with it but he had never been under such stress with it before. The pain of knowing you weren’t good enough to even get a chance to debut. To being thrown to the vultures of the music industry after long hiatuses.

Taehyun had tip toed around the issue. He pretended nothing was wrong. Everyone could see through his poorly made mask. He’d felt it in his members and the way their gaze lingered on him for much longer than needed. Taehyun felt guilty. Why was it him? Why had he been the one to so predictably fall to his weak mental state? He wondered if he was destined for this. To finally have the dream within his grasp and feel it slowly slip between his fingertips. 

“Tell me what’s wrong.” Minho had demanded one day. His tone authoritative but for once Taehyun wasn’t playing a prank on him. There wasn’t a single ounce of humor in his tone. It scared Taehyun that Minho; beautiful, bright, and, blinding Minho had seen through his facade. Taehyun turned from his computer and tilted his head to the side in mock ignorance. He knew exactly what Minho referred to. “What’s going on? What was the meeting for?”

Taehyun took in his face. How the pain so effortlessly skirted across strong features. Guilt quickly seeped into his bones as he took in the defeated sight of his strong rapper. On stage Minho was the epitome of masculinity. Raw voice and thick swearing. Taehyun had seen him at his lowest and now Minho had seen him. No matter how much Taehyun tried to hide it, Minho always saw through him. 

“Me.” Taehyun spoke carefully as he met Minho’s eyes. What more could he say? It was about him, it was a meeting for him alone. He was the only one who would be leaving. Leaving them behind. “I’m going home.” 

Taehyun watched the realization meet Minho’s eyes. He felt like he was going to be sick. Minho shook his head a few times then. His hands brought out in front of him as he remained silent. Like the words couldn’t be expressed. 

“You are home.” Minho finally straightened out his tongue. 

“I’m leaving.” Taehyun felt his eyes prick with tears. This would have never been easy. Nothing like this would ever be, not knowing he was going to leave Minho here. All of them. They had done so much for him and been so patient with his more than difficult to get along with personality. And what had he given them? A basket case who couldn’t perform. It wasn’t what they deserved. None of them did, Taehyun included. 

“Where are you going? I’ll follow.” Minho hadn’t moved. He remained in front of Taehyun. Neither of them could move. Taehyun shook his head sadly as he blinked away the tears. Minho couldn’t follow him anymore. Minho was the glue and he would have to work overtime for their members. “Tell me where you’re going.” 

“My mother’s.” Taehyun whispered as he dropped his head. The guilt washed over him as he listened to the tiny gasps that escaped Minho. How could he do this to the boy he loved so dearly? All of his members meant the world to him but Minho had always been the final burst of energy he needed, the warm strength he yearned for when his mind became too dark. Now he was the reason Minho looked so broken. So broken that Taehyun couldn’t even face him. He was a coward after all. “My contract is being annulled. You can’t follow me.” 

They had always been like that. Labelled Namsong and always by each other’s side. Minho always slowly but surely brought out Taehyun’s sunny side. Taehyun had always calmed Minho down when his own energy became too much. They were polar opposites and that fact alone had always been such a comfort to Taehyun. He always knew that he could curl up to Minho’s side after a stressful day. The elder would never say a thing and only brush his lips across Taehyun’s forehead. 

“No.” Minho shook his head. His once powerful voice that cut through a crowd sounded so small. Taehyun could hear him come closer, could feel him. The sensation of Minho’s hands in his hair was nothing new. This time, however, it grounded Taehyun. He let out a strangled sob as he pressed into those hands. The warm hands that kept him in reality, the ones that held him still as he shook. How was he supposed to leave him? “You don’t have to go, we can wait. You know we’d wait forever for you.” 

Hadn’t they already been doing that? All along it always felt like Taehyun was holding them back. His personality not bright enough, his mental state not cooperating in time for comeback season. Taehyun was sick of being the reason why. 

“You can’t wait any longer.” Taehyun whispered. He didn’t want them to. They were incredible and they would be, even when he would no longer be. That was all he wanted for them. To be able to be great. And sure, fear held him back but he had known for a while that this is where it would lead him. Fate had a different path for him in mind. “I don’t want you to wait anymore. You deserve to be heard.” 

“Don’t.” Minho cupped Taehyun’s jaw to tilt his head back. “You don’t have to go. I don’t want you to.” 

Like Taehyun ever thought that for even a second. 

“I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be this person I’m not. I can’t get better here.” Taehyun met Minho’s eyes again. Both filled with tears as they tried to ingrain this image into their memories. 

“What will I do without you?” Minho asked softly. His voice so rough Taehyun feared he would lose it. All he could do was tilted his head into Minho’s hand and let out a shaky sigh. 

“You’ll be Song Mino, of course.” Taehyun smiled. He had always admired Minho’s talent. The way he beckoned all eyes on him, how he conducted himself on stage and became the center of attention. And sometimes, rarely, Taehyun even felt like he was the center of Minho’s attention. In quiet moments when all Minho could do was stare at Taehyun. When all he could whisper was sweet nothing’s against his lips. Taehyun had whispered promises of always doing this together. He broke that one. “You’ll be perfect and brilliant and exactly where you belong.” 

“Not without you.” Minho pleaded. Taehyun had never heard that tone from him before. It almost scared him more. He could handle Minho’s anger, he had seen it and diffused it quickly many times. But Minho’s pain and sadness? Taehyun never imagined. He had seen Minho defeated and crying but never did Taehyun think of sadness. To Taehyun, Minho was someone who was bursting with joy, who had sad moments but was not melancholic by nature.

“Listen.” Taehyun whispered as he finally stood up. He was careful to take Minho’s face into his hands. “I promise that this is what’s best for me and for Winner. I promise I am doing the right thing. I can’t be this anymore. I have rung myself dry for years. My mind cannot keep up anymore.” 

Minho looked like he wanted to protest. His mouth had already started to form the word no. Instead he just let out a watery sigh and pressed his face to Taehyun’s neck. 

“I promise.” Taehyun repeated. This time he would keep it. He had to. “This is what’s right. This is what fate had planned.” Taehyun wasn’t one to speak of fate so often. Perhaps it was to comfort Minho or himself, he wasn’t sure. 

“I don’t want you to go where I can’t follow.”

Taehyun could feel his tears against his neck, he could feel the way his mouth quivered as it formed the words. Oh how he wished he could fix all of this. Go back to the beginning and remember was it felt like to have the world at his feet. He longed to cling to the lie that he was okay, that this life was for him. And maybe he had to be selfish now and do what was best for him. It didn’t mean he wanted to harm anyone. Not Minho and not his members., the most important people in his life. 

“It’ll be okay. We won’t be apart forever.” Taehyun slid his fingers into Minho’s dyed hair. He pressed his lips to his temple. It was like he couldn’t move. The sensation of Minho pressed against him, being engulfed by his cologne and sadness, was all consuming. Taehyun didn’t want to leave. He never wanted to forget this feeling. “I will always be within reach.” 

And maybe he waxed poetics because Minho was clever with words. He had always wanted to impress him, even now as the two of them held one another together. 

“Taehyunie, don’t go.” Minho tightened his grip. Taehyun felt the air escape him as he exhaled sharply. Of course if he had it his way he would take all of his members with him. But nothing would change until he changed himself. 

“I will find you, I will always find you.” Taehyun felt his eyes water again. Minho pulled back and the two of them simply stared at one another. The more he spoke the less sense he made. He could never properly voice his feelings. Taehyun was someone who had always closed himself off to others and it had come back to bite him with fangs. “You will never leave my sight.” 

It didn’t have to make sense for it to be true, Taehyun had learned. Love didn’t always make sense but he knew this to be true.


End file.
